ASK HEAVYWEIGHTZED

Dear HeavyweightZed,

I just received a transmission from the future. My grandson read in a

history book about the great TT and wants to know what the Stagger

Lee move entails.

Thank you,

Staggerless in Soho.

Gentle Reader:

The STAGGER LEE was christened by the legendary Jason "TT Boy" Damberg,

shortly after his mythic rise to stardom following the 1980 Olympic

Games in Lake Placid. First demonstrated to the public during an

otherwise unremarkable regular season match between Leeds United

and Team Pleasant on March 13, 1980, the STAGGER LEE quickly

became a staple maneuver in pro-league pinball. Today, nearly all

players keep at least one variation of the STAGGER LEE in their flipper

arsenals (with the notable exceptions of GoodE, who often prefers a more

gentle lean technique, and Mattie Herman's shocking but effective "Hermie

5-0.").

So named because it involves hiting the second flipper directly after the

first in a delayed or 'staggered' rhythm, the STAGGER LEE (with varying

amounts of spank) can be used to prevent all but the most determined

balls from draining to the center. In its most effective form, the

STAGGER LEE is often referred to as a 'bitch slap' because of the

sexual violence inherent in difficult saves.

THE TECHNIQUE

1 Remember that most balls draining to the center are a little bit to one

side or the other. Determine the appropriate or 'near' side.

2 While hitting the near flipper button, also hit the entire machine in the

direction of the ball. This will move the playfield underneath the ball and

allow you to get a piece of the silver sphere.

3 Immediately after the ball hits the first flipper, hit the second flipper

with half as much force.

NOTES

-When properly executed, the tip of the near flipper will shove the ball

out of the 'drain lane' and towards the opposite flipper. The opposite

flipper will bring the ball back into the playfield. Later, after the

match, you will be rewarded with beautiful women and sundry quantities of

cocaine.

-Timing of the stagger varies per ball speed, etc.

-To avoid a tilt, the second flipper should be hit with exactly half as much

force as the first flipper.

-The STAGGER LEE is not recommended for people with conditions that require

pacemakers or other sally ailments.

-Remember to fucking hit the machine hard.

Vive le WOW!

-hZ